Don't you send me to vm
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
