I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
