How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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