I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
