i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
