I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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