chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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