Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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