I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
