wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
