I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
