so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
