And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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