On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
