what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
