If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
