"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
