If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
