i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
