I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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