Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
