I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
