So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
