PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
