In America we eat man semen.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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