watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
