I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
