Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize