Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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