it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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