i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
