So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
