he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
