there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
