i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
