was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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