...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
