shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
