____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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