i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
