when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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