He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
