I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
