So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Randomize
