Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
