youre lurking in front of me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
