I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
