the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
