my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
