so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You need Xanax blowdarts
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
