the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
