That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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