You work out of a Hotel?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
