i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
