just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
