its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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