I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
